The 28 books that stopped my worrying, sent me travelling, and shaped who I am today

It’s a long, long journey out of the trap of anxiety and not believing in yourself. When you’re used to hiding away, making yourself smaller, and never speaking up, a bold change is needed for things to be different.

When I was living at home, I didn’t have the motivation nor the opportunities to leap out of my comfort zone and I feared what people might say if I were suddenly not shy. I had to go travelling to test drive a more confident version of myself. And when I had experienced what it felt like to not hide in the corner, I decided to move abroad and keep challenging myself.

Even when you have shed the most unwelcome and crippling parts of anxiety, the kind that stops you from going out and experiencing the world like everyone else, sometimes it can still suck. A niggling feeling threatens to take you back to where you were before. The world can feel too much and you just want to get back into bed. At those times, it can feel as if you haven’t progressed at all.

While this doesn’t happen to me so much these days, it’s more likely when I visit home and I’m surrounded by the people who knew what I was like growing up. Then I can revert back to my young-and-painfully-shy setting and my achievements in work and life seem utterly implausible to everyone in the room.

But I’ve grown so much and I know that these are momentary blips. My confidence bounces back. I go back to my job and jump into my habitual I’m confident and got my shit together persona. I remember that I don’t have to be shy and nervous and that it’s much easier and less stressful if I’m not.

I wasn’t sure I’d get here, but it happened – with the help of a whole lot of brilliant books, a few people who really left a mark on my life, and a bit of professional intervention. Of those things, there are some I can’t share with you, but I can definitely share books. Here are those that come to mind first.

 

Livraria Lello Porto, Portugal – an influence for Harry Potter and probably the most beautiful (and busiest) bookshop I’ve been to. Image from Local Porto.

 

To make sure I keep reading and talking about books.

A book about books: The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe

To remember life is “an enormous privilege and adventure”.

To spend more time in nature and living simply.

To learn how to really focus.

To think about what’s enough.

To contemplate how small a place we occupy in the world.